Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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