Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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