your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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