the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
