You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
