found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
