I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
