I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
