We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
