The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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