and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
