you guys were way drunker than both of me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
