So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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