Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
