Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
