Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
