Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
