I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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