I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
