How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
