I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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