Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
