I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
