i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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