Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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