WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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