My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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