I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
