i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
