please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
