the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
