There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
