Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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