i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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