you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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