btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
