When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
