I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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