yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
