Betty ford says i'm here all night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
tell me about the eggs
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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