Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
