Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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