I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
