He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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