i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She needs sedatives and a leash
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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