she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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