then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
