He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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