I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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