It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
