I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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