Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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