some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
