He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
