no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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