How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got inside last night via doggy door
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
