Fine. I'll sleep in my office
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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