Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
They have beer where we have blood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
