Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize