she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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