Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
