my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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