NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
