I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
