New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize