What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
