I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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