he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
