you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
